


steven in the bathroom

by Hugabug



Series: took an aro to the knee | the Aromantic!Adam AU [2]
Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Aromantic Adam Bianchi, Friendship, Multi, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, a little warning but the standrew is just a mention, i mean being aromantic doesn't take center stage but this is part of my aromantic adam au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 22:11:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14066688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugabug/pseuds/Hugabug
Summary: He doesn’t even know what set him off this time. Everything was fine. His breathing had been even and his entire being had been light and he knew he was ok. Heknewhe was fine he justknew–





	steven in the bathroom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [juniperProse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniperProse/gifts).



> based off [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaMRF8ucGJo) and part of my aromantic!adam au
> 
> I wrote a fic about [Steven being a good friend to Adam](http://en-sam-malas.tumblr.com/post/170529996265/i-love-your-sassy-aromanticadam-so-can-i-ask) and I kinda wanted to do one where it’s the other way around. This is that fic.
> 
> Someone on tumblr (i think it was ryanbergarage? I'm not so sure, I need to re-check) requested that I put this up here, so I did. I just hope I tagged the right person otherwise this would be so awkward.

The grout in between his fingers feels rough. 

It’s the only thing he can register aside from the distant smell of beer and the muffled sounds of Hayley Kiyoko playing on full blast just a couple feet away from the door. Outside, a party goes on, and inside this five foot by four bathroom Steven tries very  _very_  hard not to cry.

He doesn’t even know what set him off this time. Everything was fine. He was drinking and he was having fun, laughing at something Andrew or Annie had said– everything was  _ok_. His breathing had been even and his entire being had been light and he knew he was ok. He  _knew_  he was fine he just  _knew_ –

Except, the air was too heavy, and his chest felt fuzzy, raw and tender around the edges like something more solid than air had been cruelly ripped out in one go. Suddenly, lightness gave way to a hallowed out echo. Suddenly, breathing became a chore. Suddenly, he was excusing himself and he was locking the door and the tiles were cool against his palms and his eyes were smarting and  _nothing’s wrong what’s wrong with you why’d you stop breathing why is everything so tight?_ **Stop. It.**  N _othing’s **wrong** –_

“Steven?” a muffled voice he doesn’t recognize asks. Steven startles.

“Occupied!” he cries out, wincing at the crack in his voice. God, he’s such a  _loser_. “I’ll be out in a minute, I– I just–”

“Steven, hey,” another voice says, gentler, quieter. Two people. There are two people at the door and they want to pee. Steven feels terrible. He’s hogging a bathroom that isn’t even his because he can’t  _stop_  crying. God. Why does anyone put up with him? “Steven, it’s Adam, ok? Zach saw you go in here, are you ok?”

Steven doesn’t know what to say.

His lower lip trembles, the force of a sob fighting its way out of its prison. He tries to hold it in, pressing his palm to his mouth in an attempt to shush himself, but a whimper escapes as tears roll down his cheeks, his vision blurring. The room is going fuzzy, his chest is kinda tight. He looks around for a place to sit and climbs into the tub. Feels the cool porcelain press against his sweaty forehead. Maybe if he stays here long enough, they’ll leave him alone.

Maybe if he stays here long enough, he’ll disappear.

“Steven.” Adam calls again, louder this time. “Hey, talk to me, Steve, you alright?”

Steven bites his lip. Shakes his head.

“Steven?”

Steven swallows. “N-No.”

“Ok.” Adam sighs. He sounds relieved, like just hearing Steven talk is a good thing. Steven sinks deeper into the tub. “Do you want me to get Andrew?”

Instantly, a spike of pain lances up his belly. “ _No!”_

“Ok,” Adam says, surprised. “Any reason why?”

Steven takes a gulp of air, shaky in his lungs. Andrew… talks. He sings lullabies and he makes things ok with idle stories about anything. He runs fingers through Steven’s hair and whispers into his ear promises of better days. Whispers,  _everything’s ok, babe, it’s gone. It’s done, Steven,_   _just_   _breathe, Stevie, that’s it_ – and Steven loves him for it.

But that’s when there’s  _something_. Something to set him off. Something to make him freeze. This? This is just his stupid brain doing  _stupid_  things, making him breakdown when there’s  _nothing_. He’s fine. He’s crying over jack shit. He’s crying over a wound that isn’t even there. He’s fine. He’s  _fine_.

“I’m fine.” he rasps, taking a greedy gulp of air. Behind the door, Adam is silent. “I’m fine, Adam. Please. Just–”  _Leave me alone_. 

Suddenly, the door shakes, and something that sounds like clothes against wood grates in Steven’s ears. Then, a thud. The light under the door crack gives way to the shadow of someone sitting on the floor.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Adam says. Quiet. Determined.  “I’m right here.”

Despite himself, Steven sobs. “Adam–”

“It’s ok, Steven.” Adam tells him, gently. Softly. Like it’s a secret between them that he’ll carry with him to the grave. “I got you. You can cry. I’m not going to leave you behind. I promise.”

“P-Promise?”

“Yeah,” Steven can’t see him, but he’d like to imagine he’s smiling. “I promise.”

Steven takes a deep breath. It still feels raw. It still feels tight.

But it feels better.

He takes another.

And on the other side of the door, Adam keeps his vigil.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr ver.](http://en-sam-malas.tumblr.com/post/172097251631/steven-in-the-bathroom)


End file.
